How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently. You're open to new people and friends, which makes you a pretty popular person. You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

This weekend was pretty fun i went to a party got drunk....again and in the end of it all i felt more depressed than i thought. Everything is getting on my nerves and i'm not thinking about anybody right now. I"m kinda in a trance that's killing me inside. I'm having friendship issues and just issues with me about my goals in life and what i'm in this world for. Sometimes i just want to cry other times i just want to scream. Is this how college is when it comes to crunch time is it really worth it to do this to yourself i don't understand. I WANT TO GO HOME SOOO BAD I WANT MY MOMMY I WANT MY SECURE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS I HATE THIS PLACE RIGHT NOW even though i liked it for the rest of the year. Right now i'm trying to write a paper and i don't know wether to change my topic or not i will probably not change it becasue i'm really bad at making decisions. Later last night i was talking to the guy of my dreams the guy that just always gets me and i want to be with him soooo bad but i can't because i have to set up my future first. I have to say that i love this person but he just dosen't want to give even one clue that he loves me back and that crushes me because they are instances where i think he will miss me and then after that he just treats me like shit is that even fair i hate him.....i love him.....i want him. I wish is was like him i want to be determined in what i want to do but there is just one problem what in the world am i supposed to do i don't understand GOD!!! Why aren't you telling me what i'm supposed to do if i'm not supposed to do know right now then why am i in college.....am i even supposed to be in college was i supposed to do something else with my life. Sometimes i feel like GOD is playing a big game of sims and guess who are the characters?? Another thing i have pretty low self esteem and i always feel fat compared to everyone else. Man! i don't know what to think anymore i want to quit sooo bad but i can't because my GPA is on the line....heck my housing is on the line and the school is on my back constantly anticipating that i get kicked out of the school this sux major. I hope one day this i will look @ this entry and will laugh at how confused i was about my life but as for now i've skipped two classes which one of them i could've went and would've been okay and the other one i can get the notes from on wednsday. But i better get back to my paper actually it's pretty intresting when you think about it it's not a problem to read the articles the only problem is to find them but other than that i'm afriad that i might not be able to type a 7 page paper about it oh well i better get started on this outline so i can start working on the paper soon anywayz I LOVE GOD but i don't know what he's doing to me right now anywayz c ya :)

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