Hey sorry i haven't written in a while yeah i'm back at home back in prison sorta speak. Yeah i need to get my liscense for realz. School is good I'm actually liking summer school because i don't feel like i'm sitting on my ass all day. I'm kinda pissed the school didn't give me any finiacial aid though that sux i just got all these damn loans. I was looking online a couple of weeks ago and found a part that i could really play in the musical urinetown well guess what i can't do that anymore because i have summer school and school in the fall. I've been kinda depressed about it this is another thing i'm not able to do (for example annie) becuase i have to do all this damn work for school. I hate it when i can't do something i love with all my heart. I love to act it makes me feel like a different person even if i suc and i'm not good anymore i still want to do it becuase it makes me feel good ya see. This bite i don't know why i can't do it. As for my love life now that i'm @ home i haven't had much of a love life but i've listened to a lot of music. I kinda stopped calling my friends because i feel like i need to find myself i need to figure out what i want to do with my life do i want to make money do i want to help out the world why can't i do both. And i not only that but i added another major to my list biological sciences which is going to be a pretty hefty task. But all my azian friends that were going to do this major decided to switch into psychology and now i'm wondering if i am even capable of doing this major too?? I know somewhere i can do it BUT I HAVE NO DAMN MOTIVIATION TO DO ANYTHING i dont' know why i don't have it but i really don't i love learning the evironment but i have ppl constantly on my back that i shouldn't do it becuase there is no money involved well FUCK YA FUCK EVERYBODY !!!! I love learning about those things and there is not a damn thing you can do about it ya see. Lately i've been even thinking about getting a boyfriend i dunno it just seems pretty werid that i want one in school i didn't really want one and every boy that was looking at me and talking to me always wanted more than just talking ya know?? The past couple of nights i've had dreams about my future becuase that what i always think about and i've had many dreams where in my head i feel like kam is the one for me is he really God?? I mean having the same ethnic group is i guess one thing in common but i really don't have anything in common with him. But for some reason he really dosen't want me to be with anybody else. I hate these damn mind games why dosen't he just tell me that he likes me so i can move on. I can't move on with knowing what he really thinks and i can't get a damn thing out of him except that he says that he likes me and that he can't do this right now .I mean I believe him in that part because I can't be calling him up everyday and other things. But not talking and not getting a phone call isn't that good either. Man! all my life i've been trying to make myself look like i'm capable of being with kam but you know what i quit in the end i need to do what i want to do and that's it :)

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