I know it's been a while since I've written about my life it's been busy. Got into a pre-medical program and lived away from my parents place. But most of all the reason i'm writing this is because I clearly need to work on myself. I've been mentally spiarling out of control and I need to nip this in the bud. This week was supposed to be realxing and fun because it's my winter break well didn't happen the way I planned it. Frist of all, I went with a fuck up ....yes a fuck up ....I'm gonna call him hurricane eric for now because that's the best way to describe him. Eric is in the eye of his own shitstorm and I got caught up in it. We met a club and I knew a little bit about him but for some odd reason I thought he was really good looking so what I intended to do was a one night stand. Well it's been a year now and I wish I went with my orignial plan. The sex was good i'm not gonna lie it was amazing , intense , loving and exactly what I needed in my life...someone to care and listen with no judegements. Well we both went to the same club last sat. and well he clearly knew I was there but he was leaving with some hefer I couldn't believe it he had the odasity to prance around with some other chick when I was clearly at the same venue. What a mutha fuckin' asshole. I realized that Hurricanes don't care about how much damage other ppl around them they just go where they wanna. Now that I think about what I went through with him I realized that i'm better than this and need someone who will not only care for me but make me a better person and selfish ppl can't do that. Well at least he has his family or a.k.a clean up crew becuase they always have to clean up his messes. I think the lesson ive learned through this whole thing is there is always better than the last person you went with. And friends with benefits NEVER works .....well for women. When they say a good man is hard to find I truly believe that now. The most I can say is that it was a good run and now i know what happens when you truly do what you want. I'm also happy that i didn't end up pregnant and/or have any STD's . I would want revenge but honestly his life is sooo fucked up anyway he doesn't give a shit about himself anymore....it's pathetic and sad . I know when he's all alone in his house he's just thinking about what could've been and i'm happy to say i've seen that life and I don't want no part of it. Now my sisters boyfriend is a fucking loser and I don't know why she's with him she has sooooo much going for her and I feel like i'm mostly to blame for the ppl she hangs with. I told her to go back with him and you know she's dealing wih a lot of bullshit ppl like us shouldn't deal with. He's gonna bring her down I know it I hope and pray she doesn't end up pregnant with his child because that's gonna make her go to a dark place. I need a new group of ppl a new life and situtaion. I love that i'm back in school because now i'm able to raise my confident again and it's been flawed for a very long time. I also need therapy because all this pent up anger of mine is due my mother and I's realtionship. It's me ya know I can't blame my mom for the rest of my life .....it's me I'm doing this to myself and I need to fix it once and for all. Once I fix my career, inner self I'm pretty sure someone who wants me for me , no petty bullshit, no games just <3

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