<< It's been a long road >>
07.07.15, 2:58

Hello its been a really long time since i've written in this diary. Currently, I have no job but i feel so alive and optimistic of what God has in store for me. Enrique is out of my life I still care about him but not enough to fuck him. All my rachet ass friends are out the door and for the longest i felt really really lonely. All i know is that i feel free I wanna work and finish my studies and go somewhere else and become a doctor. This independence day weekend was crazy I saw Enrique after sooo long and i honestly didn't feel a thing. But he was drunk like he likes to say and he was flirting with me and all i could think of was disgust. Then he put his arms around me and i just closed my eyes and oooohhhh man! i could feel myself slipping into my old ways but i'm soooo thankful my friend was there because once i saw her i was snapped back into reality and just fled. I told him how i felt about that incident at the club and i've come to the realization is that we are both EXTREMELY stubborn and it would never work. When it works it works! when it doesn't work it's shit! Last night I couldn't eat I was sooo depressed about life and I just started talking to my mom. I promise you that's the first time I've ever had a real real real conversation with my mother. She actually felt like my mother. I could feel that she actually cared for me and I felt like I was being listened to I don't know why it just happened to be that night but I feel sooo much better now to know that someone wants to listen to me. My parents come from a different country so it's hard for them to be emotional I couldn't believe we were having this conversation. She gave me the best advice. All around me I feel like my friends/ family are making the shittest decisions and it was starting to eat at my heart. My problem is that when I care for somebody I throw my whole heart into it like i say sometimes i smuther them. And well I've looked at it and realized that ppl are living their lives and i'm not. My mother told me that when a lot of shit happens to you all at once it means a breakthrough is about to happen. I truly believe her on this because I've come from a long way to get to school. I used to cry and cry about the way my life was going and how I wasn't happy and now I'm forgetting about where God has picked me up from. I want to thank him from getting me out of my confusion what I wanted to do with my life and a minimum wage job. I want to thank him for giving me a purpose again to continue on my journey of becoming a doctor. I want to thank him for giving me a second chance at bettering myself. I also want to thank him for not getting myself pregnant which became more clear to me over the weekend. All things happen for a reason and meeting ppl in my life happens for a reason. I just need to be patient with what happens in my life and just take it easy . It's hard to trust him but hey God's got me this far and so far so good.

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