okay so it's been a while and I need to let out some steam. I don't know why I keep attracting men that are unavailable I mean I wanna be in a relationship and I feel like I keep getting guys who don't want anything but just FWB's . There was this guy that I met on meetup and i'm not gonna lie I didn't like him at first but then he was giving me attn like big E did and took me out places and we went on a ton of dates (something big E didn't do) it was great. I was sooo happy and honestly even being with him I still had a sense that I couldn't be myself. It sux because I think there was just something there where whatever I had to restrain wasn't something I could do for long but I tried. It was weird though because he never texted me a lot but when we were together he was all over me. Later on came to realize that he had gone on a trip with some other chick and I guess that didn't work out or it did and figured I could either be his new chick or side-chick. I just hate it because when someone hurts me I still have respect for them and I don't yell or hurt them in any way. Lets just say I cooked tried to go to bed but I coudlnt left his place called him a fuckin' liar then in the middle of the night I sent him screenshots of the emails that I had seen btw him and the girl. Basically his final response to this was I'M NOT YOUR HUSBAND! Boom there it was YES! fuckin yes! i"m looking for a fuckin' husband how dare u send me on a goosechase mother fucker. Sadly, I rebounded to BIG E who which i also came to realize he was still talking to the same chick I dumped him for. WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT MAKES GUYS THINK THAT I'M SIDECHICK MATERIAL OR JUST NOT WORTH TO WIFE UP OR BE A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! It drives me mad I really want a Kenyan man but it's soooo fuckin' hard to find one that just wants one girl and respects her WTF! how is it that my sis found one when we fuckin' started haning out with kenyans but I still can't seem to find one. I don't know if I should just give up completely and just go back to dating non-kenyans again. It sux when you want something so bad in your life and it's soooooo fuckin' hard to retreive it. Men Lie and this time I don't give a fuck I"m gonna ask for what I want and if they aren't looking for a girlfriend I"m gonna fuckin' walk not hope and pray that they might come around I"m gonna fuckin' walk because life is short and I deserve SOME FUCKIN' happieness . If you ain't serious you wanna play around you don't give a fuck about titles don't talk to me we can be friends but I"m gonna treat you like shit if you try and flirt with me because i"m soooo done with these fuckboyz .....period and you can take that to bank!

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