<< to have kids or not to have kids......ticking clock >>
14.03.23, 9:15

Good Morning!
Guess what I'm gonna try and write as much as I can on this dairy. Right now I was given good news we don't have to do the completeness review so excited. Gives me time to do my reading for my class & lifewerk :). Its great because now I can do my other review slowly and really look for mistakes. I missed my doctors appt. yesterday should've gone but honestly I was really emotionaly & spritaually drained I didn't even do my work yesterday but today I will. My cousin oversees called us yesterday about one of my sister's exes and she asked me some deep questions about having a child & if I see myself as a mother. No offense it's easy for her to talk freely considering the fact that her parents pay for everything but at the same time she did put somethings into perspective. April 3rd I'm having an appt with my OB-GYN about my possiblities because at the moment I'm not with anyone right now and I'm starting to get in the high risk zone of getting pregnant. I will be honest I would love children but with someone I never really saw myself raising a child on my own. SERIOUSLY GOD DO I REALLY HAVE TO BIRTH A CHILD ON MY OWN!! I love being black but at the same time I GET SOOOOO FUCKIN FRUSTRATED. Nobody wants us and if they do it's mostly for curiosity I'm not sure how this is all going to unfold but what's the most I can do. I have tried to go out there but I will be honest there are no real good contenders and the ones that I believe are good contenders not interested in me :(. I'm going to try my best to stop ordering uber eats and do some light workouts for now until my leg gets better. But until then I will just pamper myself and try to get my confidence up because I'm older and my biological clock is ticking it's something I can't run from I have to make this epic decision of having a child or not.

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