Hello Diary
So right now I'm in a better place. Once I served PK for a divorce I flew back to my hometown to just restratigize my thoughts. I'm literally on the verge of bitterness about men and what they are bringing to the table. I'm so frustrated do black men really believe a woman can do it all?? It's a lot of work to not only keep a house tidy but take care of kids, the husband and cook!!!!!! Your complaining about working just working I know there is pressure to keep the money flowing and supporting your family but there is also pressure on a woman's end as well. Having to juggle all of the balls at once and never thinking about yourself its ridiculous. It's only 1 job for a reason because it's a heavy job but it's a job only you are physically setup to do!!!! As women we are the child bearers we bring LIFE into this world so for you to assume we can also work and still keep it all togher is straight bull shit!!! I'm honestly in a place right now that at my age I can only take life into my own hands and deal with it because I just can't rely on the man that surround me at this moment. I'm angry really angry I can't even hide it anymore. I'm soooo angry I want to scream at men HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO US?!? WHY ARE YALL SUCH PUSSIES. Honestly, I want kids not right now but because of my age I don't have a choice these guys have taken all of my time that now I have to make such drastic decisions. I wanted to get preganant in a very calm envrionment because my body is not good with stress. I have all my life had to be on the edge just incase something pops off or I've always had to be on my guard being a black women in this world because it's a war out here nobody wants black people to succed so you have to alway stratigize. I'm tired of black men just throwing thier hands up and making thier system the crutch for all of thier failures. Who said you need white people to make a buisness ....you mean a couple of you knuckle heads can't come together and make a buisness for yourselves. PLEASE!!! STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!! YOUR A MAN BE A FUCKIN' PROVIDER THAT WAY I CAN HAVE HEATHLY KIDS AND CONTINUE THE NEXT GENERATION ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS COMPLAIN. I blame thier parents I really do the guys my age have been coddled too much and are always looking for an easy way out of things. YOU DON'T THINK WE WANT AN EASY WAY OUT OF THINGS!!!!! WE ARE TAKING ON THINGS BECAUSE YOU HAVE DECIDED NOT TO DO IT SO IF YOU WANT RESPECT YOU EARN RESPECT .....YOU TAUGHT US THAT!!!! I've been looking at IVF options because no man is going to waste my time any longer. Once I've healed with what I've been surrounded by and I realign myself with men that I know are out there it's just that I've been surrounded by BETA MALES. I will then try to consider being a long term relationship but for now I'm going to freeze my eggs, start my business and once I get my life situated and trust me I WILL! I will then start working on getting pregnant. I'm angry and I ain't apologizing for it either. These BETA man make me sick!!!! I'm no longer desperate to take care of thier feelings and livelihood. FUCK Y'ALL DUST B 2 DONYA!!! I WILL HEAL FROM THIS DIVORCE TO A HIGHER VIBRATION AND GET MEN WHO I WANT. I know I have had low self-esteem for a very long time but now I don't care I"m gonna work on my body, soul & purpose. Every low-vibrational guy that I've come across always says that I don't need a man and if I do I need someone who is rich WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT. U know what if it's my weight & teeth that is the problem I will fix if I want to get married & have children with that man. But for now Let me freeze my eggs then I can start looking for a sperm donor. Anywho let me get back to working on my store so that way I can finish working on my herbalism HW. Thank God for 401Ks they have saved me again :-) for my purposeful pivot

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