Hello,
Its been a while since I have written in this diary. I just came to a hard decision and sometimes your brain finally catches up to your heart. I don't like men from my area I really don't I believe I have been hurt by these men for so long that I didn't realize that I hate them I dispise them and I want nothing from them anymore. I don't feel alive I don't feel like I can be myself around them. That's why I"m going to get a different apporach. This new approach is I'M GOING TO GET WHAT I WANT . I want children that are like me so that's what I"m going to get but as far as marriage is concered I don't want anything from them with that. I want to be in a marriage where I feel free I can be myself and I''m not constantly judged for being fucking different or inadequate. I'm going to the egg freezing place in a couple weeks to see my options because I really want the children I desire. After I have my children and buisness setup that is when I will decide if I want to be married. I just feel like for right now I will have to put marriage on the back burner. But I will still go out & have fun do things I want to learn and do. Right now I'm going to tell my boss that I want to start working at later hours so I join a morning yoga class, next I want to learn how play golf and gain some ettiqute skills becuase the guy I want to marry a man who wants a blended family with no additional children. Someone who works hard and wants to build just as much as I do. I like my freedom but I also don't like being lonely. I want to live my life if this is the only life I live I want to do it 'MYway' and thats on God.

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