okay so its been a while since i've spoken on this journal currently i'm watching season 5 of the affair and drinking a cheap glass of carlo rossi sangria. I'm going through so many emotions right now I can't take it and there is nothing that I can do to just take this out of my body. I met a guy. he was nice, kind very attentive. In the beginning i was talking to guys and partying my usual. This guy was doing roofing in Virginia barely spoke to me but when I did I would occasionally respond gotta at hard to get right? Well as time went on I started to figure out that there was many layers to him and he was extremely moody & sad. I later on found out that we are different yet we think very similar it was almost like looking in the mirror. I sometimes thought he liked me because of how much I care for a lot of ppl but i started to realize he just liked me because he thought he could control me and I was sorta depressed , needy & had severe abandonment issues. He liked me in a depressive state just going along for the ride and not saying a word. As we started to get to know each other I really got to somewhat of the deeper understanding of him. He got me to feel safe about him when he entered into my world was really comfortable with the Kenyans at first then he started to realize they weren't as cool as he thought. He got into one of the Kenyans as they were forcing me to take a drink....he stood up for me....loved him for that ......I had been hanging around a certain group of scavengers for so long that i completely forgot what disrespect was. As time went on I thought wow we can do both Kenyan & american things but then I found out as time went on his jealousy among Kenyan guys started to grow and he wanted me out of the group. Slowly, he wanted me to dismiss my sister let it just be him & I and I felt like that was wrong because she is my sis she is harmless but he knew that if she was around my attn would be on her instead of him. When I was able to pay for my car tags I would try to leave on my own and I thought it would just be the two of us came to find out it was just me & his crew. We never went out on a date, we would fuck in his car & only went to two hookah bars everyday. Now as I'm wiriting it out i'm starting to realize WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING HANGING WITH THIS CLOWN!! He would tell me his past and what he wants to do with his life but never included me in those plans. Now that I think about the way he talked to me treated me manipulated me into thinking he would do these things for me and take me out ...I"m starting to realize I was just a layover slag until he goes to Charlotte u know what God works in mysterious ways because as he was planning to use me God only took me to higher levels I got a great job and I"m going to get a new car soon! It's funny how the world works I AM ENOUGH and I should let nobody let my idea of myself faulter. See u on the flipside NIGGA!

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